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  The New Miranda Rights Since 9-11

(As revised in light of the events of 09/11/2001)


                    Return To OnlinePot’s Legal Section Main Page       

by Lloyd Godsey

Miranda Rights 

1. You have the right to remain silent.

(Until such time as you can be removed from US territory and placed in 
a country where torture is still legal and taught from C.I.A. approved
training materials.)

If you give up the right to remain silent

(…there will be no one there except government (CIA) interrogator to
hear you scream as they apply questioning methods that would make 
Hitler, Torquemada, Ghengis Khan or Satan lose his lunch and flee in terror.)

2. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

(Along with anything you might have said in the past, you might say in 
the future or anything that you may think in the future, regardless of 
whether there is actually any merit to the charges or whether you were simply
charged for the crime of refusal to submit to the whims of a petty
dictator, believing in the Constitution and the Bill of Rights or 
because you parked in the wrong place.)

3. You have the right to talk to an attorney before answering any

(Of course until such time as you answer all questions we will refuse 
to charge you with a crime thereby removing your right to a lawyer.)

4. You have the right to have your attorney present during the

(Unless King Bush, Grand Inquisitor Ashcroft, or any of their minions 
in the Ministry of Thought Crime, Department of Pre-Crime or the Office of
Fatherland Security think that you may pass sensitive information to
aforementioned lawyer, such as how many hours you were subjected to 
being grilled about how much money you donated to such terrorist 
organizations as Greenpeace, The Sierra Club, the Democratic National Congress 
and/or any other organization that refuses to recognize the divinity of George
the 1st and/or the rights of the current administration, their families,
their corporate backers and their families, and their golf buddies and
their families, to be above the law.)

5. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you 
without cost, before or during questioning, if you desire.

(Of course the judge at your tribunal will inform your lawyer exactly 
how much defense you are allowed and that excessive displays of 
constitutional knowledge are prohibited and will be persecuted to the fullest extent 
of the soon-to-be amended laws.)

6. Do you understand your lack of rights under the current 

(And don’t you wish you had spoken out against the slide into tyranny
while it was still legal to do so?)

I have read or have had read to me the above explanation of my lack of
constitutional rights and I understand that those rights were removed 
at the whim of a group of warmongers, religious fanatics, and sycophants.

Suspects signature (Organ donors sign here.)

Understanding my lack of constitutional rights I have decided not to
protest the lack of these rights at this time. Any statements made by 
me are made freely, voluntarily, and without threats or promises of any 

(Other than the usual threats of being locked in solitary confinement 
for an unspecified length of time and/or labeled as a "unlawful combatant,"
"terrorist," "child molester," or "free thinker" and placed in the 
general prison population to be shanked in the back, thereby saving the state 
the expense of a trial and the embarrassing question of "What crime was 
this person arrested and jailed for?")

Suspects signature 

Interrogator’s signature 

[Acting in the name of (To be digitally added later)