Pot Smokers Cause Terror Alert #1

October 12, 2002

Pot Smokers Cause Terror Alert

Exclusive to the Desert Post Weekly by contributing Editor Harold Bull 
of the Coalition for a Drug Free America

Not since General Patton trained his tank army here in our desert in 
1942 have the residents of Palm Desert witnessed anything approaching 
war. That is until two teenagers conducted the rampage detailed below.

Last Saturday evening, Palm Desert teens Milo Stickit aged 17 and his 
girlfriend Dawn Biloxi aged 16 were smoking what they believed to be 
non-habit forming “safe” marijuana. Of course as any scientist knows, 
they were flirting with disaster. That disaster was quick in coming.  

Having run out of Doritos, the teens crazed by ravenous appetites took 
to the streets in Milo’s father’s Suburban. Driving erratically the 
teenagers side swiped several parked cars on their otherwise quiet 
residential street. Turning onto Frank Sinatra Drive the teens failed 
to notice the crosswalk and mangled two nuns. The two Sisters of Perpetual 
Aggravation were pronounced dead at a local trauma unit. 

Undeterred, the marijuana crazed addicted teens proceeded to the local 
Seven Eleven where they conducted a junk food raid. Store video 
security cameras showed the kids stuffing Twinkies, Ho-Ho’s, Ding-Dong’s and 
other treats into Dawn’s panty hose. The alert clerk telephoned police 
and activated the silent alarm. As a police cruiser appeared in the 
parking lot the luckless clerk was taken hostage by the pair who soaked 
the clerk in cheap red wine and threatened to ignite him unless allowed 
to leave. When their demands were refused Milo produced a butane 
lighter and set fire to the panicked clerk. The pair escaped in the smoke of 
the conflagration. 

Alert police soon picked up the pairs trail. With police keeping their 
distance, Milo and Dawn then proceeded to lead numerous squad cars on a 
low speed chase through downtown Palm Desert. Police were distracted by 
the unusual driving style of the pair as they frequently stopped at red 
lights have way down the block. Numerous bystanders were pelted with 
sugary treats flung from the car. Five pedestrians were treated and 
released at Desert Hospital while two remain hospitalized in diabetic 
coma.

Local police called for assistance from the California Highway Patrol 
and the California National Guard. Dawn Biloxi was seen by a police 
helicopter laughing hysterically while making cell phone calls. 
Concerned that the pair might be summoning help from other underground 
marijuana addicts and terrorists, the FBI was alerted.

The ten hour chase ended at dawn when the Suburban, tires shot out, was 
finally cornered on Buddy Hackett Avenue. Dozens of flak jacketed 
officers surrounded the teenagers and offered them a chance to 
surrender. Milo exited the car and declared loudly that the ride was a 
good one and that he and Dawn wanted to go again. Milo was shot 37 
times expiring on the pavement covered in blood and orange slurppy. A butane 
lighter was removed from his dead clenched hand. Dawn was taken from 
the car dazed and disoriented from the marijuana high that she claimed Milo 
forced on her in order to have unprotected sex. It is a known fact that 
unwanted pregnancies and abandoned babies are a direct result of the 
toxic action of today’s super pot. 

Dawn, the illegitimate daughter of Governor Gray Davis, was whisked 
away to a secure marijuana treatment facility where she will remain until 
the last vestiges of the poison clear her body. It is hoped she doesn’t 
suffer from residual flashbacks including psychotic behavior so common 
in today’s marijuana users. 

Four dead, seven wounded, and one young girl traumatized for life just 
because these teens wouldn’t believe their government. How sad.
  
Harold Bull can be reached for comment at Hbull@hypenet.com 

I don't mind the criticism at all. You know I did an Internet search for this Harold Bull 
and while I found a great deal of bull I didn't find him. Hmmmm... 
Meanwhile, I'm informed via newsletter from the Coalition for A Drug Free America that while Milo is,
 indeed, deceased, his younger brother Wayne is carrying on in the true Stickit tradition. 

The word is that Dawn may be released from Marijuana Prison soon. Could these two hook up? 
Correspondence to Dawn, read by guards indicates some plan these two may have to visit 
New Orleans during the next Mardi Gras. And there's something about a "Dutch" connection. 
So, will Biloxi come to Louisiana? Will she bare all at Mardi Gras?And if so for what? 

Will Wayne and Dawn light up the Big Sleezy?