Pot Smokers Cause Terror Alert

               8/15/03

  Part 2  "Interview with a Pot Head- Inside the Walls of the Lillian Carter Center for the Treatment of Marijuana- Rancho Mirage, California "

Exclusive to the Desert Post Weekly by contributing Editor Harold Bull
of the Coalition for a Drug Free America

Not since General Patton trained his tank army here in our desert in
1942 have the residents of Palm Desert witnessed anything approaching
war. That is until two teenagers conducted the rampage detailed below.

Last Saturday evening, Palm Desert teens Milo Stickit aged 17 and his
girlfriend Dawn Biloxi aged 16 were smoking what they believed to be
non-habit forming “safe” marijuana. Of course as any scientist knows,
they were flirting with disaster. That disaster was quick in coming. 

Having run out of Doritos, the teens crazed by ravenous appetites took
to the streets in Milo’s father’s Suburban. Driving erratically the
teenagers side swiped several parked cars on their otherwise quiet
residential street. Turning onto Frank Sinatra Drive the teens failed
to notice the crosswalk and mangled two nuns. The two Sisters of Perpetual
Aggravation were pronounced dead at a local trauma unit.

Undeterred, the marijuana crazed addicted teens proceeded to the local
Seven Eleven where they conducted a junk food raid. Store video
security cameras showed the kids stuffing Twinkies, Ho-Ho’s, Ding-Dong’s and
other treats into Dawn’s panty hose. The alert clerk telephoned police
and activated the silent alarm. As a police cruiser appeared in the
parking lot the luckless clerk was taken hostage by the pair who soaked
the clerk in cheap red wine and threatened to ignite him unless allowed
to leave. When their demands were refused Milo produced a butane
lighter and set fire to the panicked clerk. The pair escaped in the smoke of
the conflagration.

Alert police soon picked up the pairs trail. With police keeping their
distance, Milo and Dawn then proceeded to lead numerous squad cars on a
low speed chase through downtown Palm Desert. Police were distracted by
the unusual driving style of the pair as they frequently stopped at red
lights have way down the block. Numerous bystanders were pelted with
sugary treats flung from the car. Five pedestrians were treated and
released at Desert Hospital while two remain hospitalized in diabetic
coma.

Local police called for assistance from the California Highway Patrol
and the California National Guard. Dawn Biloxi was seen by a police
helicopter laughing hysterically while making cell phone calls.
Concerned that the pair might be summoning help from other underground
marijuana addicts and terrorists, the FBI was alerted.

The ten hour chase ended at dawn when the Suburban, tires shot out, was
finally cornered on Buddy Hackett Avenue. Dozens of flak jacketed
officers surrounded the teenagers and offered them a chance to
surrender. Milo exited the car and declared loudly that the ride was a
good one and that he and Dawn wanted to go again. Milo was shot 37
times expiring on the pavement covered in blood and orange slurppy. A butane
lighter was removed from his dead clenched hand. Dawn was taken from
the car dazed and disoriented from the marijuana high that she claimed Milo
forced on her in order to have unprotected sex. It is a known fact that
unwanted pregnancies and abandoned babies are a direct result of the
toxic action of today’s super pot.

Dawn, the illegitimate daughter of Governor Gray Davis, was whisked
away to a secure marijuana treatment facility where she will remain until
the last vestiges of the poison clear her body. It is hoped she doesn’t
suffer from residual flashbacks including psychotic behavior so common
in today’s marijuana users.

Four dead, seven wounded, and one young girl traumatized for life just
because these teens wouldn’t believe their government. How sad.
 
Harold Bull can be reached for comment at Hbull@hypenet.com

     

  Part 2  "Interview with a Pot Head- Inside the Walls of the Lillian Carter Center for the Treatment of Marijuana- Rancho Mirage, California "